One of my favourite things about my studio, is something that I don't get to enjoy very often.

But for a short period every day, through the smallest window on the west side; the sun pours through, lighting that side of my studio with warm, golden light.

There's something about that afternoon light that is so peaceful, so … I don't know, "filling" somehow, that just standing and looking at it feels like walking in a forest through sun-dappled leaves.

Perhaps it's because it lasts so short a time that I treasure it so.

Or, perhaps it's because I'm so rarely there to enjoy it that I love it so much: I still work a day job, so most days, I'm slogging away in a cubicle while that golden warmth touches and caresses my work table, chair, and the tools of my work.

Strangely, that beautiful light heralds the darkness, as it's just before sunset that it softly steals in.

I happened to be up there last Monday afternoon, cleaning, when I was struck still by a soft touch on my cheek, and turned to face this glorious warm glow. So I thought to take a picture of it and share it with all of you. 

Some day soon, I'm going to take pictures of the entire studio. I'm always saying "When it's clean"; but even when my studio is spotless, it rarely looks so.

There's too much stuff in, and all over it.

The painted floors have scuffs, stains and scrapes - some down to bare wood so they will never look clean no matter how scrubbed they are. And the things I create with are everywhere – crammed onto shelves, tucked into drawers, folded into baskets and bins and pinned on the walls.

I just need to wait for good light, and then I'll take some pictures and finally (three years later!) show you my "new" studio.

These days, there's a lot going on in Studio Kit, despite the stillness of this photo.

I have four commissions right now (I'm going to try and remember to post about them as I make them); as well as several works in progress for myself/shows and some ongoing hand work. If I was single, I'd never leave my studio, but as it is, I try to spend no more than a couple of hours per day there, except on weekends, when I work long into the night.

And there's also a lot going on in the head of the head of Studio Kit. 

If you are friends with me on Facebook (not just following my Kit Lang Art); then you know that recently, my matrilineal birth family found me.

Of course, that was very exciting for me, but I've also been experiencing a lot of other emotions.

Some positive, some neutral, some negative (the latter mostly directed at my adoptive family), but also some that fall along the "feelings" spectrum that are difficult to deal with.

Within days of talking with them, I received my very first picture of my mother, along with her name; which until that day, I didn't even know.

Patricia King*

For days, I couldn't stop staring at her picture while the tears ran down my cheeks. Crying, crying, crying. Crying some more.

Since my little Issac died, I have not spent so much time crying! But these are happy tears. Well, and also, complicated tears.  

Happy, yes: but no sooner did I find my mother, then I learned she had passed away.

As I explained to BSP, she may have died in 1998, but for me, it was on Friday, March 17, 2017.

Like every adoptee, I had daydreams of a tearful and loving reunion with my mother; and that died on March 17, too.

And, oddly, finding out that my birth mother's "date of death" was a couple of days before the anniversary of my adoptive mother's death has stirred up a lot of ... "stuff".

She and I had a lot of unfinished business, and though I have been able to view her more kindly of late; losing my "mummy" brought some of it up again, so I am angry with my adoptive mother (again); and I am also mourning the relationships I never got to have – with either of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

However, there is much to celebrate, and I'm going to meet my cousins, possibly an aunt and some other relatives this coming Sunday. I'm both nervous and excited and if I'm honest, a little scared (what if they don't like me? what if they don't like that BSP is White? what if, what if, what if?); and I have approximately one billion questions to ask.

So there's that.

And as if that wasn't quite enough; also, there's another thing happening, which I haven't talked about on Facebook (or anywhere) yet; so more on that later.

All of which to say – there is studio work going on, but the personal stuff is interfering with it a bit (I've found it very hard to concentrate lately!); and, in case this post didn't drive the point home already, I'm feeling very talk-y. lol

Fair warning, when I do pop in, I'll probably be doing a fair amount of chatter too.

So, talk soon I hope,

*Yes, as you can see, I am half Native. I've always said that, but many people thought I was lie-telling. Here is proof in my beautiful mother.